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Crisis > Help After Disaster
Helping Our Worried Children:
Staying Balanced in A Changing World
Tips for Parents
Do young children worry?
Like all of us, even young children sometimes feel nervous and worried - a feeling we
sometimes call anxiety. Mostly this happens when children are in new situations and
especially when they don't feel safe. Grownups know about many things that cause
children to feel nervous and worried - things like the dark and loud noises. Children also
feel worried when they get older and understand enough about the world to know when
things aren't right.
For most children, the situations that cause them to feel worried are things that they can
handle with some time and especially with some grownup help. It is a very important life
skill to learn to handle nervous, worried feelings.
Beginning at about 8 months, babies show upset as they are able to tell strangers from
familiar people. As they become older, children are upset when they are apart from the
people who love them and take care of them. Many children are afraid of the dark or of
loud, sudden noises. These fears usually happen at about the same age for most children.
Luckily, children manage these worries with help from the people they love, and being told
that they are safe and will be taken care of. Some children develop fears of specific things,
like dogs. Some children develop a fearful worried way of experiencing their worlds.
Like all of us, children respond to sudden and unexpected changes in their lives. Children
are upset by changes in their routines. Even when they are too young to talk about it,
children notice the moods of the people who take care of them. Children seem to be
especially upset if the grownups are frightened or crying.
Children probably notice more about grownups' feelings than we realize, but they are
too young to understand why grownups feel sad or scared. Young children are still learning
to understand what is real and what is imaginary, what is temporary and what is permanent,
and what death means.
What is Trauma?
We have all heard the words trauma and traumatized many times. What is trauma? A
trauma is an extreme event - the kind of event people do not expect to experience in their
lives. Traumatic situations include violent acts, accidents, storms, and the terrorist attacks
of September 11, 2001. Traumatic experiences are very emotionally painful, frightening, or
shocking. People's reactions to trauma can last a short time or a long time. Reactions can
include emotional and physical effects. These are normal reactions to extreme events.
How do children react to traumatic events?
Young children react to traumas in many ways. Unfortunately, there are many events in
young lives that may be traumatic - things like hurricanes, fires, car accidents, and acts of
terrorism. How children react depends a lot on what they understand and the kind of
worries they already have. Children's reactions to scary things also depend on how directly
they are affected. Things that matter include:
- Have they been hurt or seen others hurt?
- Have they seen the scary event?
- Are they separated from people who take care of them?
- Is their routine at home changed? At school?
- Have they lost favorite toys? Are pets injured?
- Do they have to move to temporary housing?
- Are parents worried by lost jobs or other money worries?
Children's responses also depend on what has happened in their lives before the traumatic
event. For example a child who has had an earlier trauma, or has emotional or behavioral
problems is more likely to have a hard time dealing with the traumatic event than other
children.
How do children show they are upset or worried?
Children show their worries by changes in the way they act and changes in their moods.
They don't seem to "be themselves". Even infants show upset. Most parents recognize
when their child is upset. Children's upset is mostly seen in more crying, changes in their
sleeping and eating, being more difficult to calm, and being more sensitive to loud noise.
Older children also show changes in their eating and sleeping. Children may:
- Fight going to sleep
- Not want to sleep in their own bed
- Need lights left on
- Have nightmares
They may also be more clingy, unwilling to let parents out of their sight, more whiny and
play differently. Some children may withdraw and be passive whereas others will become
more irritable, and aggressive, or some combination of these changes.
Children may return to younger behaviors, such as
- Thumb sucking or bed wetting
- Using more immature language
- Developing speech difficulties such as stammering, or they may even stop speaking
Children may have stomachaches or headaches. Even when the cause is stress, the
aches are real. Children may be more likely to get sick.
What Were Children's Reactions to the Events of September 11,
2001?
The events of September 11 affected children directly and indirectly. Many children were
frightened by pictures they saw on TV and by the reactions of the grownups in their lives.
This section is about children whose families were not directly affected by the terrorist
attacks. Children who have been directly affected will need extra care from family, friends,
and maybe professionals.
- Young children had difficulty understanding what was happening.
- Young children had difficulty understanding what was real and what was
not real.
- Children were affected by watching television images over and over.
- Children were affected by the upset of adults.
- Children's behavior changed in many of the ways described above.
- Children's play included airplane crashes, buildings collapsing, rescue
efforts, and wanting to be strong and powerful.
- Young children were able to express sadness and concern for those who
ere hurt.
- Children worried about their own safety and the safety of those they love.
- Some children thought that planes crashed into buildings day after day.
- Some children became afraid of tall buildings, and of airplane travel.
Some children continue to have fears and behavior problems. Adults don't always realize
that these fears are connected to the attacks of September 11th and related situations such
as fears about Indian Point.
How can I help my worried child?
First, help your child feel safe. Children feel safe when they follow predictable routines -
things like eating, bathing, and going to bed at the same time every day. It is important to
keep or get back to usual routines as much as possible, as soon as possible.
Children worry about what will happen to them and about what will happen to the people
they love and who take care of them.
Reassure them that they are safe and will be taken care of. Encourage children to express
their worries through words or play - whatever works best for them.
Talk With Your Children
- Help them give names to their feelings.
- Listen carefully to what they ask.
- Answer their questions honestly. The most important question may not be the one they
ask but may be whether they and the family are safe.
- Start a discussion but don't insist your child talk about something if they are not ready.
- Several short conversations are better than one long one.
- Children need to hear the same messages over and over.
- You may not be able to answer all of your child's questions. It is all right not to have all
the answers and to say that that you don't understand why some things happen.
Play With Your Children
- Playing with community helper figures, dolls, and puppets such as fire, police, medical,
emergency workers and their vehicles; community buildings such as schools and
houses; and dress-up clothing help children express what's on their mind.
- Some children become "stuck" playing the same thing over and over, such as people
being hurt in collapsing buildings. You can help them by showing a different, more
positive ending, such as playing a rescue worker who comes to help.
- Large motor activities help children use up anxious energy.
- Drawing pictures or making cards for those who have been directly affected can satisfy a
child's need to "help", to feel that they can do something important.
Choose What Your Children See on Television
- Do not let them watch upsetting television coverage.
- It is a good idea not to let children watch live news reports at all, and certainly not if
you are not there to talk about it with them.
You are the most important influence on your child's values. Use this time to teach
your values and ideas. This is an important time to teach respect for others and non-violent
solutions to problems.
Take care of yourself so you can take care of your child. If you continue to be upset, make
time for the things that help you feel better, give yourself time to relax and express your
worries.
How can I help my special needs child?
Children with special needs may need even more help dealing with these events than other
children. They may have a harder time handling changes in their routines. Pay attention to
their particular difficulties and use the ideas in these pages to meet their individual needs.
Use words and play activities in ways that match their particular physical, emotional and
communication needs. Special needs children may have to have information repeated
more and be told that they are safe even more than other children. It is important to get
back to usual routines as soon as possible.
How do I know when to seek other help?
There is no one "right" way for children to react to trauma. However, we can expect that
most children are affected to some degree. Most children will manage their upset over a
relatively short period of time, using their own strength and the support of the grownups in
their lives. However, some children will need professional assistance to manage their
worries. Children who show continuing changes in their behavior, continuing worries, who
can't get back to their routines or ways of playing should be seen by a specialist in
children's reactions to trauma. Speak to your day care staff or your pediatrician.
What is Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)?
Post-traumatic stress disorder is an anxiety disorder. It can develop after experiencing or
seeing a situation that could cause death or serious injury. Symptoms include memories,
dreams or flashbacks that make it feel like the event is happening again, avoiding
reminders of the event, and feeling either numb to the world or very reactive. People who
have PTSD may have difficulty sleeping and concentrating, may feel irritable or easily be
startled. Symptoms may develop soon after the event or not for weeks or months later.
Children exposed to trauma may develop PTSD. Children who experience PTSD and
their families should receive professional assistance.
Andrew J. Spano, County Executive
Jennifer Schaffer, PhD, Commissioner,
Westchester County Department of Community Mental Health
Funded by FEMA/CMHS (Federal Emergency Management Agency/Center for Mental Health Services)
Revised December 17, 2002
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