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Parent Tip of the Week - “I” Statements

“I” statements help us manage our anger and resolve many frustrating day-to-day situations. Knowing how to use the “I” statements yourself will also help your child learn a proper way to resolve conflicts by following your example. Read on to learn some do’s and don’t when it comes to the “I” statements.

What is an “I” Statement?

“I” statements are ways in which you can express how your feeling about a situation without putting blame on your partner or child. For example, your child hands you a letter from his teacher that says that he hasn’t done his homework in the last three days. At this point, you’re angry, worried and frustrated at the same time. Instead of yelling at your child, try saying something like: “John, I’m very upset that you haven’t been doing your homework. I really want you to do well in school, and I feel that from now on, I’m going to have to watch as you do your homework until I can be sure that you’ll do it all on your own.”

Read on to learn more specific details about the “I” message.

When it comes to resolving a frustrating situation, first make sure you are in full control of your anger. Only then, can you use the “I” statements because otherwise they might seem like “you-statements” instead.
Separate the “doer” and the “deed”. Don’t focus on the person but rather on what happened, what you didn’t like about it and what you would like to change.
Getting back at a person is not a good way to solve a problem, and is not an effective way to state your feelings and needs about something.
Try to use “I” statements in a positive way, and try to listen to the other person after you use them.

Have a tip you want to share? E-mail Jackie Hirschorn at hirschoj@mhawestchester.org with your Parent Tip of the Week!

This material has been adapted by MHA from materials of the ACT (Adults and Children Together Against Violence) program developed by the American Psychological Association (APA), a scientific and professional organization that represents psychology in the United States.

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